TRICKY, SLACKY AND VERY GIRLY, you know the story,

n/a

2008-06-27T11:49:00.001+02:00

what's going on

i forgot to say that i'm here ( dyngan.se/ida ). in swedish though.

but still here sometimes.
tricky slacky is my big big love.

guess who

2008-06-03T18:24:00.000+02:00

As always: I blog therefore I am

2008-04-10T19:45:00.004+02:00

No words of absence

The red wine takes me back, without the blog I never seem to even finish my 375 ml bottles, not even in two days

Which is bad,
I mean the 375 ml bottles are the reasons why I don't dance in clubs at the moment

Not that I go to clubs,
but when I do I don't dance and it has got to do with the 375 ml bottles

youth is nothing - and listen I say nothing because I mean nothing - without their blogs. I think it's important to have that gut spilling dimension of your outer persona. Tell them about that eating disorder! About that heart in pieces! There is no room for secrets in 2008. I'm sorry. If you're an expresser you need to express. I express therefore I am.

Tea problems

2008-02-28T08:06:00.002+01:00

Tired! But my stress feels much more manageable in the morning. I'm under the duvet, my hair is wet and I'm watching Danish news on the television while drinking ginger tea. I can't even begin to express my disappointment of the tea. I have, ever since I one day couldn't locate my favourite tea anymore (Dalgety Caribbean ginger & honey tea found in a random offie in Roman Road), tried to find it again, or at least locate anything slightly similiar. Every time I've failed miserably. I want it to burn inside my throat. I want only skilled ginger persons to be able to drink it. I told the lady in the tea shop this. Burn, I told her. Not some Lipton weak excuse of a tea. Nah. She promised me and sold me a paper bag of tea. And you know what? Deep disappointment. Even when I boil the water with fresh ginger, still it doesn't burn my throat at all. Is it too much to ask for? Some strong shit in the morning when I need to be in a good mood for working my ass off?

BTW
H is in Paris again. It makes me lose my will to sleep in the morning.

this has been in my drafts folder forever...

2008-02-17T18:17:00.006+01:00

I often sound just a tad too negative in my blog. London was amazing. Just because it makes my heart weep of sadness, it doesn't mean it wasn't a great trip. This is proof:

Here we go again

Natural History Museum was sunny for fashion week

Bloomsbury aswell.

I was in need of coffee. And indulgence. And, when in motion, why don't throw in some decadence? South Kensington, lovely rasberry cake and cappuccino from Patisserie Valerie (only take away, folks, only take away!), stairs outside the V&A. Notice that my coat is beside me! It was one of those moments when I couldn't help but texting mom with stuff like "London is beautiful in the sunshine" and "sometimes i'm happy being alive". Just me and coffee and cake. That's all I need sometimes.

(Later that day I had to text my dad saying "I have the best job in the world. All the shops are closing in an hour, but still I rather sit in a pub and write my heart out than go buy something before i leave" he replied that he was almost sure he knew exactly how I was feeling.)

(my official purpose for the trip was work. but as you know i'm a master of mixing work with pleasure)(as i hinted earlier: work is pleasure)

Jens Laugesen

House of Holland

Omi and me.

shorts gardens

2008-02-17T14:05:00.005+01:00

I've been in L.
Coming back from London makes things like making the dishes or the bed seem pretty useless. Making the dishes never seemed like a problem when living in L. I wonder why.

Coming to the city, after a half year gap, made the city's changes appear as quite revolutionary. You know, like Virgin Megastore was gone. Cafe Boheme was under construction. Koh Samui had lost Balenciaga. You know. Things like that. It appeared like explosions in front of my eyes. POW POW POW. And then the worst came

Suburb
was gone.

Things happen? And you have no time to prepare? They just happen and suddenly you're standing on that street, damn Shorts Gardens, moping, wondering where your favourite cafe, all time, all categories, is? I'm talking about myself. About that DAMN Benefit that had opened in the space where I used to spend at least hour every single day. It's where I wrote my first review. It's were I cried over skype. It's where I couldn't drink my coffee because I was hungover. It was where I knew I didn't miss anything anymore.

And I was standing there. And I looked across the street where there used to be a clothing store where this blonde haired guy used to work that also used to go Suburb. The store was gone. The guy was gone. But most of all: Suburb was gone. Not even left a monument of memorial behind. Just a fucking make up store.

Oh, how I hate living on memories. Nostalgia is for old people or for people who wished they really lived in the nineties.

I'm back now. Didn't mean to make myself angry. It's Sunday, I'm on the couch. Worrying about dishes and dust on the floor. Restless.

no content as usual

2008-02-10T16:06:00.000+01:00

CAR. TRAIN. BOAT. WALK. Man my bags were heavy. I had to stop several times just to rest my arms. That made me realise that it's spring.

I'm home now. Exhausted. Sleepy. A bit moody. I have to confess being a bit moody yes. I'm resting my head against the wall in my bed (am under the duvet) and I have to do piles of work before I can start unpacking my stuff, try to steal some washing machine time in the basement, pack, make dinner, and then, rest. Rest so I can get well before going to London tomorrow morning.

Horizontally.

Is
what
I
want
to
be

(Being sick allows me to be weak and moody. It's a safe card any day.)
(I like it really. I can sit with my head in my hands in a restaurant and blame it on being sick.)

cph craze

2008-02-07T19:27:00.001+01:00

I'm blogging from fashion week in Copenhagen, so if you want some blogging action check the Dygnet Runt blog.

roll the dice.

2008-01-23T00:43:00.000+01:00

I'm waiting! In bed! I just had a shower and now I'm drinking tea!
(All of my posts has something to do with beds apparently. Oh, shrink, tell me why)

H is at cold train station now. Hungry cold angry. But soon I won't have to worry about nightmares. Soon he won't have to worry about not having someone to Bridget Jones-stare at him when wakes up.

the science of sleep

2008-01-22T12:14:00.000+01:00

When H left for Paris I couldn't sleep. I had to watch a complete disc of Scrubs to even become tired, but when I fell asleep I starting having nightmares so I kept waking up, kept sweating, being afraid of the dark and in the morning I was exhausted. So, today, when I finally managed to sleep without nightmares (oh well, I had one dream where I worked at a big Swedish phone company, which was kind of a nightmare) I woke up feeling great. Sunny when I walked to the shop (which I was babysitting for H), I walked past the harbour, bought my cheapo Sandy's latte and it wasn't even too hot.

Also, my friend told me how she at the moment had problems with watching movies or listening to music that "meant" something. How she'd instead started to listen to all this cheerful English pop, where the biggest troubles was about money. Like Hard-Fi and Razorlight. On the bus home. So it wouldn't mean something.
Last night I completely understood how she felt.
I went to the video rental place after work and bought candy while I was hungry (=a lot) and wanted to rent a movie that meant something. I ended up with "Half Nelson", and when I got home, had dressed in pjs and had dinner in the sofa, I started to watch and I couldn't stop crying. I cried all the way through it. I rented it because I wanted to feel BETTER, not to feel like the world was crashing (inside of me)(on top of me)(and everywhere else). I longed for it to be over. Then I watched more Scrubs. And felt better. More empty, but better.

Ida is I wanna go home

2008-01-19T13:29:00.000+01:00

I'm in a pretty useless mood today. The only thing I want to do is catch the train back home and jump into bed. Eat goat cheese and honey and walnuts and tomato soup in bed. Watch "Juno", eat candy. Wear PJs. Drink Diet Coke. Sleep as soon as I want to sleep. So that's what I'm going to do. In 2 hours and 20 mins.

This week so far:

semlor

h + l

half a pound coffee

train window

not much nail polish

train window

I bet you think this song is about you

2008-01-18T22:39:00.001+01:00

Pyjamas + beer is the best match

R.I.P One Week To Live Magazine

2008-01-18T17:22:00.000+01:00

Half an hour ago I started biting my nails again. I feel kind of like I did when I was 13 and wore eyeliner, my hair was even blonder and I drew on my shoes. Like that. The good thing is that I can wear Black Satin nail polish again (I only like it on short nails). Before I was thinking about dark nails for summer. It such a brilliant look. Frills, transparacy, flowers, sheer, pastel, white, whiter, but grey, turquoise and then short ugly dark nails. Not that it's summer. But you have no choice but to think about it.

Nails was not what I was going to talk about. Maybe just biting them. Well. An email from One Week To Live just popped up in my Gmail, announcing that "After 108 issues of One Week To Live we have made the decision to cease publishing. As a small startup with limited means we have grown the magazine as far as possible on an independent basis – after failing to secure additional finance to continue with the current digital version we have made the decision to now close the business."

It's a long time since I worked for them for the last time. Due to natural causes: OWTL is London. London life. Living in London. Being alive in London. And I'm not in london am I.
(and nowadays I discovered that getting paid for work is kind of nice)

It makes me sad to think about not being able to pick up an OWTL at Boxfresh for reading at Suburb with a skinny latte on my lunchbreak planning my clubbing week. I really liked OWTL. I liked its aim, and I liked the result. All the ibiza DJs and the horrendous photos aside, I liked it. I liked that it was completely unpretentious and I liked that it was a safe way of knowing that London was alive.

Nowadays I often catch myself missing that clubbing guide. That thourough night life planner. No need for endless googling, or being up to date, or even having up to date friends. Just that unattractive lovely little paper.

I'll miss you, just like I miss LDN

Things I don't like with the new year

2008-01-11T13:27:00.000+01:00

- That my Flickr pro account runs out
- That my phone insurance runs out
- That I will have to start paying back my student loan
- That I will turn 22 (still without a published novel)
- That my computer probably will break
- That I will get old and fat and hungover

gla gla gla glamorous

2008-01-11T12:59:00.000+01:00

I like the moments that point out how not glamorous my life really is. Like Ping!. Ping! as in the microwave telling me that the reheating of my latte is done. Reheating of coffee that I bought for £1 in Helsingborg and carried on the train and still had something left to reheat in Lund. "Sometimes I get that not so fresh feeling" and sometimes I wonder why I drink coffee so slowly and sometimes I wonder why I keep quoting my favourite movies from years and year a go

2008-01-10T16:47:00.000+01:00

i miss blogging in swedish

one step forward two steps back

2008-01-10T12:32:00.000+01:00

snow

2008-01-06T00:34:00.000+01:00

Kudos to me for not going out because I had loads of work to do. Kudos to me for still being awake working even though it's past midnight. Woho.

A couple of hours ago I looked out of the window and the streets and the roof of the cars were all white of snow and I had no one to tell. But then my mom came around for truffels, mazarines and a glass of wine and then I walked her in the snow for a bit.

At the moment I'm streaming a week old radio programmes while writing my fingers sore. There are only two radio shows I can handle at the moment, that's why I'm streaming. P1 Stil and P3 Soul.

la moustache

2008-01-04T12:11:00.000+01:00

This is kinda hot:

and this, (even though it's weird):

It's a moustache umbrella! Lovely!

In between calendars

2007-12-29T12:12:00.000+01:00

My only plan for the day was making croissants and having a snoozy breakfast with coffee and magazines with H, but we both overslept so he had to run off and there I was Planless and Breakfastless. So I'm going to a museum (Louisiana) in Denmark instead of zombying around the flat. Lonely walks and art. Yeah. My lonely day safe card. It isn't the same without Tate though. Tate Modern is definitely one of the top things I miss.

couch surfing

2007-12-28T19:49:00.000+01:00

I'm on the couch. I've had pizza and a beer and I'm home alone. I started looking for wardrobes online (situated in this area, I'm not talking about ebaying home a freakishly expensive heavenly wardrobe from Montana, just an antique beauty from like Höör.). But they are all completely ugly. There are no beauty wardrobes willingly to be sold. Anyway, so I threw in the towel, as usual, and switched hunting theme from furniture to animals. That went much better.

NYE resolutions..

2007-12-28T14:25:00.001+01:00

NEXT YEAR I WILL:

- cut my hair to shoulder length (it will look like a H&M-commercial, clean, healthy but not very glamorous)
- go to nyc
- try to retreive some kind of social life (that means get drunk in other ways than just at home with red wine)
- move
- complete the NaNoWriMo-challenge

always on the run

2007-12-28T13:18:00.000+01:00

OH darlingest of darlings. I wanted to say something like: If I don't find these I will take a spirutal trip somewhere, by myself, like on a train, but I don't know if I can commit to that plan, so no. Don't know if a spiritual trip is the right thing for me right now, but I did go to the cinema last night to see "The Darjeeling Limited". Which was nice. It was raining when we left the cinema. And I love how watching a movie at cinema can completely mess with my head. STILL mess with my head. Maybe more than it used to. It's 2007 and going to the movies can make me a) melancholic, b) inspired off my head or c) just plain happy. So last night was the Wes Anderson Boyfriend Test (KIDDING) and eating nuts and eye massage. Ah, eye massage.

I finally ordered a new digicam after I dropped the other one on the floor and broke it in a million pieces. When I have received the new one I promise to become mad inspired and a monster blogger. Picture blogger. Promise promise.

sometimes I think that my biggest love wasn't a person

2007-12-17T16:34:00.000+01:00

ALL I WANT 4 XMAS IS EVERYTHING

2007-12-16T20:46:00.000+01:00

At the moment I'm doing a job which involves research in the shape of watching the cheesiest Christmas movies under the moon, with focus on the endings. Which really should make me weepy sentimental and yeah it has but I'm guessing it's got more to do with the glass of red wine that is empty in front of me. Weepy, in the good sense. The dark walk home listening to cheesy Wiley songs way. And about the glass. I don't know why I feel it needs an explanation, it doesn't, nah it doesn't, but anyway. I've been working harder than ever in a long time and the other night I was waiting for the train home late late and even though espresso house was open I was like NAH I don't want no latte no sirup no tea, so I went to O'learys and sat down in a corner with a bloody mary and felt good because it's nice to have worked too long, hard and strong. And get the reward of hard liqour and lonesomeness. And the work hard hard dead hard, it doesn't feel like a common feature of mine, if you know what I mean. That's why I like it. Because it always feels quite temporary. And even if I've forsefed myself XMAS-movies for work it doesn't feel like it's XMAS because I haven't had time to even reflect on the fact that it, soon, is. And I'm no XMAS-hater, FOR THE RECORD; I like it a lot lot lot. OH and this has nothing to do with the glass in front of me. Damn I'm messy. I'm gonna go buy groceries now.

friday night feels like i was hollow inside on this night

2007-12-08T00:16:00.000+01:00

Alrighty, friends. It's Friday night. It's past midnight. I'm working (can't even see then end of the work I have to finish before crashing into bed). I'm drinking: red wine (just a glass I sweat, for the record: i bought 375 ml bottle), coffee AND diet coke, while eating chocolate and a mazarine bun. Top of the world, y'all. Top of the world.

P.s. I never posted a RIP Pimp C post. I know. Blogger was RIGHT THERE, but it's unfair to post RIP-posts when I'm not a regular poster anymore. You know? I don't know. Eh. No. Anyway. RIP Pimp C.

you watch too many film

2007-12-03T17:30:00.000+01:00

i'm on the floor wearing stockings and I love this flat with my entire bloody little heart, mostly because it's december, because it's dark, because it's like a cocoon, i've always loved cocoons, i want to write a novel about a girl in a cocoon. or a boy. (i don't know the details yet)

i feel like not spending the last (yes, it's not even six and i'm already thinking of throwing in the towel of the day..) hours of the day working, but watching movies, so that's what i'm going to do. and have dinner. and not use any caps. so i'm off to the rental place now. yes, i do rent movies. i do. i love paying money for things i might as well could be stealing or streaming somewhere. i love standing in the rental place PICKING. and worth mentioning is that i have a pretty useless mind of decisions, so it always takes me for-evah. literally forever. it was much easier back in bloomsbury where i for a period of time rented sex and the city-episodes daily. one disc/4 episodes a day/£1. i must i admit i miss doing it. having dinner with carrie/samantha/miranda/charlotte in bed. being tired but happy.

antwerp and back again

2007-12-01T16:00:00.000+01:00

(from yesterday. i forgot to publish before i slammed my lappie shut and left the flat)

Because it's December it's officially allowed to start the excessive consumption and burning of candles and eating of chocolate. Things I do all around the clock, the year, and back again, but now it's allowed.

Antwerp was great but I'm afraid "great" does not have enough syllables and I don't have enough time to explain just what I mean about "great". What I do have time for, is to post just a few pictures, that might say a bit more.

I'm off to Malmö now (after finishing my diet coke and completed a shower plus the getting dressedness, ah but this sofa, and this christmassy flat, ah it's so, oh, hard, to, eh leave, for windy train rides, but I will, I swear, I will). I'm off to drink a beer. Maybe two.

I miss Dries and Ann and Veronique and Bernard already.

Dries & co

2007-11-25T13:56:00.000+01:00

We're going to Antwerp now.

See you in three days when I'm flat broke

forevah

2007-11-24T21:11:00.000+01:00

i stick my index finger in the air

2007-11-22T16:40:00.000+01:00

OK,
I dropped my compact camera on the floor and it broke and people ask me about insurance and I just look at them, like LOOK at them. It's from 2002. I don't have insurance. So, just when I was about to buy a pretty system camera (yes, see picture), I suddenly get a need for a new basic camera. A basic camera that can live in my hand bag. Basic needs. I hate basic needs. I like extravagant needs. Like system cameras I do not know how to use.

And then
and then

I just closed the door on my finger. My right index finger. Why is it always the right? The index finger? It's blue, swollen, warm. Not the way I prefer it.

I really am happy, if someone claims I sound bitter, it's just an illusion.

On Sunday I'm going to Antwerpen with Hannes.
yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

ALL I WANT FOR XMAS pt1

2007-11-17T10:34:00.000+01:00

Oh deer. This is [one of] the reasons why I can't stress the beginning of christmas enough.

Things I don't understand pt.1

2007-11-10T14:19:00.000+01:00

I can't, with my wildest imagination, understand why no one has ever give me that for my birthday! I drink a lot of coffee and damnit do I drink it slow! And damnit is it always cold when I get to the end!

A train to train-wreck town

2007-11-09T16:14:00.000+01:00

the birthday syndrome

2007-11-08T15:38:00.000+01:00

working from home

2007-11-08T12:27:00.000+01:00

The last couple of weeks I have been going to the library to work, but the other day a weird man sat down next to me. He wore really dirty clothes, a thin t-shirt which showed his nipples and chest hair. He opened his bag and took a SPONGE and started to CLEAN the table we were sitting at. Humming loudly at the same time. Then he started to pile things (needle, thread, receipts, scissors) in front of him. And food. Weird food. A lot of food. While humming. And somehow, I don't know why, I lost my concentration. So I decided to start working from home for a bit. So now I'm back in the kitchen again.

Yesterday the plumber slash lock man came by and I couldn't help feeling exactly like Jeremy in Peep show, when a handyman comes to fix the bathroom door and he's like: "He probably thinks I'm a slacker, to him it probably looks like I've done literally nothing since lunch. Well, the washing up isn't nothing mate, and I'm gonna be doing that any bloody minute now."

Other than that, I've started to recognise the dogs that have their daily walks down the street. Is that good or bad?

so what if you flip a couple of words

2007-11-07T15:17:00.000+01:00

I'm working at home today. I'm doing about a thousand (4) things at the same time. AND I do it quite unefficiently. I wish I was a smoker so I could take smoking breaks. When we did days and days of project writing back at uni ("back at uni".. what am I trying to be? British?) I used to have chuzzle breaks when my group mates had ciggies in the window. But to even contemplate Chuzzle right now is dangerous. DA-hang-e-rousss

Will I EVER move on?

2007-10-28T12:18:00.000+01:00

Sunday, clean hair, clean shirt ("like that's a bad thing?"). Nah, I don't think so.

mammut

2007-10-26T19:26:00.000+02:00

Picture: Memphis Film

OK.
I just want to say that I'm very pleased to hear that both Michelle Williams AND Gael Garcia Bernal will be starring Lukas Moodysson's new movie "Mammut". It is going to be good. I know. it.

Felicia once read an entire book of poems that he wrote, out load to me. In a boarding school room (where I had pictures of Tricky and zebra prints on the walls)

Something tells me I'm no longer just a HIPHOP critic...

2007-10-26T19:00:00.000+02:00

whiter than snow white

2007-10-23T17:25:00.000+02:00

I'm so pale. So pale. This year even earlier than usually. Every year I visualise a picture of my face, really pale, with screamingly colourful lipstick. Like Snow white or something. I visualise it as somehow pretty. But I then I always end up looking just like a funeral prepared corpse. Dead face + fake lips.

The meaning of youth!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-23T12:01:00.000+02:00

OK this is why I love the world sometimes: a Buffalo 66 drinking game! Combining watching a movie with drinking heavily! Hey! Gives slackerness a deeper meaning. And that's pretty much my generation's purpose of existence. Ah, how I love defining my generation's purpose of existence.

Yeah, well, exaggerating, as usual. Maybe.

Anyway. Yesterday I borrowed my mom's VHS player and carried the heavy thing through the city, to Hannes place, because I wanted to watch hundreds of movies (for work, I swear)(there's often a very thin line between business and pleasure in my life)(which is good!!!!!!!) all night long. But in this autumn-turns-to-something-colder-time of the year, my "all nighters" almost never happen. Because I fall asleep in the sofa before I have even cleared my dinner.

Slackernes..
What it's all about.

(YEAH I am fully aware of the fact that using words such as 'slacker' and 'yeah' is oh so very nineties. But so is watching VHS movies, so it equals to zero)
(And I own not one pair of properly stonewashed jeans)

I WISH EVERY DAY WAS LIKE SUNDAY!

2007-10-22T11:15:00.000+02:00

Even though Monday is deadline day, which means I always have work left to do on Sunday (yes, I'm that kind of girl) - I re-heally love the relaxness of Sundays. I think Sundays are my new Fridays. Most of all it's because of the afternoon coffees at K&CO and lazy walks and fellow laptoping in the sofa, IN WOOLEN SOCKS, while drinking diet coke, eating chocolate, cooking dinner and TV-marathons. I wish every day was like Sunday (no, I don't, but you get my point).

On my toes

2007-10-20T12:24:00.000+02:00

Today I have the same title as the NY Times Runway blog post. I really have nothing to say title accordingly, I just wanted it to be in my blog aswell.

OK, not title accordingly, might have been a bit hasty statement. I AM in a shoe store in TOO big shoes SELLING SHOES on my toes on the floor in my shoes you know how it goes.

Last night I slowly drank Grolsch lager in the bar with black walls and the same rock hits looping over and when something by Oasis came on all the guests (and staff) put their index fingers straight up in the air and closed their eyes and sang along.

Alicia Keys has a bookclub blog where she discusses books with her fans. I think that is the cutest thing I've ever heard.

Picture: Refinery29

celebrate THAT!

2007-10-19T18:33:00.000+02:00

EH
I HAD SWEDISH MTV ON MUTE WHILE MAKING MYSELF READY FOR MEANINGLESS FRIDAY NIGHT BEER DRINKING (which involves not so meaningsless making ready, it sucks, it sucks, i should be wearing a garbage bag, which would be the suitable attire for bars in this town)

AND THEN
ANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHENANDTHEN!

I SEE SKEPTA ON THE SCREEN
and the old blue last..
the celebrate video!
On MTV!
On Swedish MTV!

Tears in my eyes, like a proud mother, head tilted. Awww, boys.

I want to say it. If this is what airs on Swedish MTV. The futute is near.
(it's not a cliche, it's the truth no lie)

See it almost makes me crazy child

2007-10-18T19:04:00.000+02:00

So just when I was about to put the key in the lock, with the angry walking anthems, too cheesy to ever admit to, still in my ears, I realised that it was Thursday and that the liquour store was open one hour longer: to 7pm (yeah, I know, it's a crazy country I'm living in). So I just turned around and skipped down the stairs, wearing my new shoes, my hair in a MESS in my FACE.

Hmm is it just me or is blog readers completely sick of watching youtube-clips? I never even bother to check what's up, unless the subject line is re-heally intriguing. So I guess you won't be arsed to check this out either. But it's ok. It's just porn.

Went to the alcohol place and got a bottle of red wine for filling youthful voids in my soul and also picked up two Kronenbourgs for Hannes because he doesn't drink wine (and he has no youthful voids in his soul either). On the way home - carrying the lilac plastic bag with the glass-wrestling sounds reminding me of everything - I just couldn't help myself and I ipodded Massive Attack's "Live with me". You know, the new song on their Collected album? Anyway. I pretended, for a minute, that I was that woman in the video. And how wrong is that. But instead of ending my night on a park bench somewhere, I decided just to walk home and make my I'd-rather-be-in-Paris-tomato-soup while listening to some repeated make-my-bad-mood-worse-songs while sipping on a crystal glass that isn't mine. (I could never keep crystal glasses. I break things.) Pretty cliché, I'm aware of that, but at least it's ecologic indie red wine and not bottles and bottles of hard liqour.

(Hannes just called me and I excused my moodines by explaining it was just teen issues and he was like "Teen issues? Are you a teen?" And I was like "ha-ha." and thought he was joking but now I just realised that I'm no damn teen. When did THAT happen? I'm freaking soon old enough for alcohol in the US!)

switching songs

2007-10-17T09:58:00.000+02:00

I just cut off a part of my braid in the zink. The hair that fell off was summer hair. Blond, almost white. I have a cold now. I make tea on the stove and wear a boy's sweat pants. Big knit socks. Watch Ally McBeal. Write reviews. Shudder, walk around awake. And think of Karolina in the woods and hope that she's OK. And plan trips to even colder places. And find no solitude in soul music. Can't find a solitude soundtrack at all, so I keep the flat in a muted state of mind. But then of course: Ally McNoise. Like that. And the tip of my braid is oh so straight. I wonder what my hair is going to look like when it's undone. Most of all, it's nice to have one day where I don't have to take the train south to work.

Instead, put on a woolen hat and had coffee with mom and bought new second hand winter shoes and bought vegetables and took the bus home. Rest.

Since I found myself without a place of residence I decided to sqwat Hannes flat in Helsingborg. So that's where I'm at now. Fall asleep on the couch, have breakfast in bed. The flat has the best autumn view in the whole world. No, not really. I bet there is a really nice canal somewhere, with floating leaves and men in coats walking their dogs. Well, this is good anyway.

Uhm, uhm, uhm uhm, uhm, uh uh uh

2007-10-11T17:10:00.000+02:00

Just thought I'd let you all know that I only like one song on the new Rashaan Patterson album ("Wines & Spirits"). "Pitch black" is the song. It's the song that sounds the least Rashaan. I guess I'm not inside his brain. I guess he's not what I take to bed to cry. I'd pick Chamillionaire over him any day. Not that that it has anything to do with anything.

face looking old / despite the fact you only 20 years old

2007-10-11T15:21:00.000+02:00

I'm making lady earl grey tea in the shoe store. It's a semi bad day turning out much better than I had ever expected. Yesterday was a mess. Showed up in the store and within one hour I had a massive migraine pounding inside my head. So I had to mix my smiling-to-the-customers with running to the bathroom to throw up and feel miserable. My skin colour was, though, beautifuly milky. Milky like only sickness can make it. The knock-knock in my head and the uh-uh in my body co-operated nicely towards turning me into a ghost. A ghost that had to take the train back to Malmö and then. I was not going to tell the rest of the story. Because I'm not a girl to puke and tell. But you know what, it's not every evening I throw up in a bin on the street. So now you know. She's a real trendsetter, that game host girl.

Anyway. When I finally got home I undressed and got to bed with two seasons of friends and my laptop and my phone under the pillow and opened my inbox and realised me and Karolina had to move out the next day. And then I pressed play on the DVD player and shrinked under the duvet and let Karolina make pasta and Hannes buy me Riesen and then take care of me and watch the final disaster episode of Grey's Anatomy that confirmed that Meredith did not die. Not die. Slept, woke up, packed, but not that much, went to work.

Now, the tea. Long messy sentenses. Shoe soundrtack of today without Jane Birkin or Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club, instead Rashaan Patterson. I'm sleepy, on one pain killer an hour.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'm homeless.
Again.

Spit native intelligent tongue sound

2007-10-03T23:00:00.000+02:00

I'm in bed again. In my PJs. Hannes is in Paris again so I'm on a matress on the floor really close to the TV. I hope he doesn't forget to bring me back french Vogue and pink macaroons this time.

I shuffled back M-1 today. And started listening to his "Confidential" album. I rediscovered it this summer while driving (pardon, being driven) around in Greece this summer. You know what? I really like it actually. In a strictly personal, non magazine reviewy way (yeah it's possible to turn on my personality again. after the storm. it happens) I wonder what he's up to now. I'd love to take him for mocchachinos some day.

And what else. Tomorrow I'm back in my own freelance-routines and I'm already looking forward to my morning coffee in front of the computer. Today I managed to do both the shoe store thing AND the writing simultaneosly! How juggly am I? I bought two take away coffees before noon and it wasn't even because it was one of those days! It's just the way it is I guess. I don't smell a revolution any day soon.

And what else. Dizzee's playing at the Vice Party in Stockholm this Saturday. I'm not in Stockholm.

Nighty night may your neon lights shine so bright
(I like city life)

The chubbier, younger, version

2007-10-01T21:52:00.000+02:00

I'm in bed, ON TOP OF THE DUVET, for the record. Drinking Yogi tea. Will I ever get sick of that tea? Everybody says it tastes just like christmas and that it's weird that I embrace it in the summer and things, but I just haven't met any tea like that. Once you go spicy you can never go back to fruity.

So Sean Kingston's in bed with me. Unfortunately, I guess I should say. He's not my preferred on-top-of-the-duvet-date when in this identified gloomy mood. But a girl's gotta do. What. You know.

Today I've been babysitting a shoe store in Lund. It felt kind of good taking the train to a place of work. Getting dressed, waking up early. It's freakish how fast you can get used to the freelance-lifestyle (basically working in pyjama, having Malcolm in the middle-breaks instead of lunch, snacking while working, all day, midnight meeting by myself). I always used to have studies on the side, some lectures to attend that kind of inclied me getting proper clothes on before noon, but now it's just freelance work. So the shoe store-thing is a kind of interesting rehab of that life. Rehab. Is. A. Very lame word for something completely different.
Or as Chuck would say: Rehab. It isn't the best word, but the first that comes to mind.

Love him.

[parenthesis]

[/parenthesis]

eyebrows down

2007-09-29T11:52:00.000+02:00

We're running a bit low on entertainment this week. So we've turned to "Friends" and have kept the dvds running for at least 24hours now. It's a bit maddening, I must confess. When I'm not watching TV, I work or drink wine or come up with creative ways of not spending the pounds and dollares and euros and crowns I do not have. There are limits to my creativity. Sometimes I stumble and buy postcards, a roll of wallpaper or soya vanilla drink in big back (and convince myself I will only drink it as a substitute of dessert but fail miserably and finish the whole thing the first day. The thing about the soya vanilla drink is that it tastes just like creme brulee smells). Other than that: my KOSS earbud headphones broke! This pair didn't even last half a year. And I need new ones. And that need does not cooperate with my creative attempts of not spending money. Not really. So I've borrowed earbuds from friends but I just miss the KOSS-ones so much. I'm brand obsessed. Really. And I have a pile of albums to review and I want to take walks with them! Nurse them! Cuddle them! Hate them! Kill them!

My mom's coming down south today. To see me and drink coffee and look at shoes and drink some more coffee. Mom/daughter-stuff. My brother was supposed to come as well, but he's still sleeping because he stayed up late socialising with his computer. I was going to show him David (Shrigley). I think I'm going to convince him to skip school and come down to see me later this week. He needs to see David.

Anyway, we haven't been out much lately. We've mostly been sipping red at home. And then me and Karolina went to the cinema and loved "Ensemble, c'est tout". And I went to the Sage Francis gig in Lund, by myself, for work. But tonight there's some kind of "culture night" going on so we'll be running around museums sipping FREE red wine all night. Can't you just FEEL winter's coming along? A perfect excuse for the decadent lifestyle of your preference.

I can't believe I'm still here.
And Karolina. And Hannes. And Rachel. Ross. And Phoebe. And Chandler. Monica and Joey.

work work

2007-09-29T11:20:00.000+02:00

hey world

diamonds and wood

2007-09-25T14:37:00.000+02:00

Glitter and gleam, and all what it look like
So I keep swangin' I hear clanging tryin' to live my life

my life so far this week

2007-09-21T14:33:00.000+02:00

TONIGHT: très bien shop opening. It's gonna be a mad mess. But that's what it's all about. Is it not.

I'm still here! In Malmö!

the second home

2007-09-13T11:36:00.000+02:00

I have started to feel at home in Malmö. I know where I can find the ice cream and the melons in the supermarket, I'm able to find my way home from the beer place even if it's dark, etc. But I haven't found my second home - the café - yet. I've looked for one. Hard. Every day I've been carrying my laptop, wandering the streets looking for a suitable one. I'm not picky, I just need to find a place where I can settle down and start throwing my money at. Drown myself in caffeinated beverages, you know what it is. For the second day in a row I've ended up in a trendy-ish place called Sorl. But I don't love it. The music is bad and the latte blah. But it's quite empty during the daytime and that is a plus.

Here are some cafées I've settled down with:

London
Suburb [wc2]. I wrote my first cd review there, stressed out of my mind, headphones clenched to my head. It was Ludacris and the café was so busy. Suburb was my home. I went there every single day for like a year.
FREVD [wc2]. For soup. For coffee (often with whiskey in it. frevd was a really good comfort place). For little glasses of red wine.

Copenhagen
Laundromat [kbh n + ö]. Wireless perfection + 1 billion laptops so none of that feeling bad. Icelandic people. Backgammon.
Dolores [kbh n] because they had all the magazines I could dream of. And a street worker view.

Helsingborg
Too much free time and not enough variety of cafées so I ended up becoming a regular at every single place in the city. It's never pretty. (But especially K&C:O [242] they have the best coffee)

and finally

Malmö
???

p.s. I caved and got myself a mobile broadband. So no more of that searching for Wlan in weird places. I'm gonna miss it.

David Shrigley

2007-09-11T12:09:00.000+02:00

The weirdest thing is that I fell in love with David Shrigley a couple of months ago when I was fleeing to my dad's in Copenhagen because I needed big-city-comfort. I photographed this David S-sketch in the window of an art gallery on Nansen's gade (see above) and liked it a lot. And now I life in a flat in Malmö with a view down to a museum where there is an art show with his stuff. I can see his pieces from my window. It is very weird. Yeah. Right now I'm sitting on the ground outside the house because I don't have internet in the flat, and look, this is what I'm looking straight at:

It's all good.

(UM, and yeah, I really do FALL IN LOVE WITH ARTISTS, it's not just something I say to sound cute.)

I ain't fresh out the hood, I'm still in the hood

2007-09-09T22:17:00.000+02:00

TELL ME THAT THIS IS NOT CUTE:
While Jay and Beyonce was mm mm kissing,
I was cooking one thousand grams in my kitchen,
When Nas was telling Kelis, I love you boo,
I was shining my nine, you know how I do
(fiddy cent - fully loaded clip)

old folks talking 'bout back in my days

2007-09-09T15:33:00.000+02:00

I'm on my second latte, wearing knitwear, headphones on my head, creativity flowing through my veins, as always leaving me completely struck by confusion of how apathy can still be a feature in my awakeness when my the cafeine in my blood creates inspiration like that. But I guess apathy has it's upsides. At least it's attractive. And you know? The best thing that ever happened to restless kids experiencing apathy, is blogs and laptops. I love it. A forum for all that frustration and laziness! It's beautiful. No more of that fanzine thing or skating or sports or hanging out. Internet is all we need.

boys boys boys

2007-09-09T09:37:00.000+02:00

I'm fondling my laptop in bed, haven't had my first cuppa yet so my hair is in my face, my nail polish faded, nothing needs to be done yet. At the moment my life revolves around 3 men and not so many girls actually. Kanye, Fiddy, Kano. Next week I'm going to have time for girls. And cake and outdoor beers (even if it's raining, I can always put on a winter coat).

Malmö is treating my well. I didn't wake up there this morning because I was, for the second night in a row, borrowing Hannes's flat as a nightly office but managed to fall asleep before 11 both nights. But it doesn't matter, because I like mornings in bed with my laptop in my lap.

I couldn't leave you babe.

2007-09-01T19:16:00.000+02:00

Saturday evening in bed working.
This summer wasn't the best ever.
(I'm working but not very hard. While drinking light beer.)
Because it was raining? Raining and no work and no money.
So I'm pleased that autumn is coming, that I've got work to do and that it's not raining.

And as soon as I finish the first draft I'm working on (it's about Kanye and Fiddy) I'm going to go out somewhere. And tomorrow I'm moving to Malmö. Another half ambitious town-swop, sloppy move, in which I will not bring all my belongings. But I'm trying to find a big empty flat with Karolina to which we can move with all our magazines and clothes and shoes and records for a while. I really need that. A place where I can keep ALL my stuff. I haven't had a place like that since I was 15. It's about time. 5 (oh, well, 6 I guess) years of being all over the place.

(An example: In Hannes's flat I got my stuff in a Liberty bag.)

Until I find that white glossy wooden floor 2 bedroom penthouse me and Karolina are borrowing a friend's pretty flat. Which is great.

but if you want you can still play with my hair...

2007-08-07T19:09:00.000+02:00

i'm on holiday...
from my tricky blog...
because nowadays i'm just not that tricky...
i'm completely anti complicated, like an open book...
go ask anyone...
(just not anyone in my family or posse..)

I'm trippin' this drink got me sayin' a lot

2007-07-26T12:22:00.001+02:00

\~/ *
Good weeks are for good people but sometimes they are good for everyone. Like this week. It was good. For me. My favourite parts was the beer, the breakfasts in the suburbs with my red haired teenhood friend, drinking coctails and then taking the tube to a sofa and then watching Alice in Wonderland while falling asleep, the DJ playing Tricky - Black Steel when we were about to leave debaser, falling helplessly in love with a pair of patent black mock-docs, all the take away lattes, the sun, the rain and the classics: pecks on lips, spa stays, sleeping in soft beds in a hotel and waking up way too early, hotel breakfasts, thin pizzas, rain again, a.p.c, chocolate and TV, Portishead/Lil Wayne/Sigur Ros (it's all in the mix) while on the tube, the classics again: rain/beer/lack of umbrella/kissing/running and all about the contrasts: hilton/medusa, umbrella/bikini - really nothing about the contrasts.

*) "my glass is full"

visuality

2007-07-24T11:01:00.000+02:00

sleeping beauty + tube floor in sthlm

Better keep that dress on

2007-07-20T20:54:00.000+02:00

I'm packing outfits and underwear and books (Lolita and Oh The Glory Of It All) and presently I'm trying to decide what shoes to bring.

OK Hannes needed a holiday so I'm going with him to Stockholm just to show him how it's done. I mean, after all, it's something I do a lot. I do have my fair share of experience in the field of holidays. Yeah I know, idling, non busy freelancing kids is one of the world's most disguisting features. OH yeah, just after busy freelancing kids of course. They're way worse.

Still a baby

2007-07-19T19:13:00.000+02:00

It's KA
-NO
and his "This is the girl". Is it grimey enough?
Ehm.

I of course have problems with Craig David. Even though I daydreamed about moving to Southampton to become his wife when I was like... eleven. My CV of childhood crushes is amazingly predictable. Will Smith is on there. Ronaldo. Leonardo DiCaprio. RonReaco Lee. EHm

Kano of course appeared in the list of "grown up"-crushes. Until...

for love of the game

2007-07-17T12:06:00.000+02:00

It's nice to be back at the office again. The Game at KB last night was good. As expected. It wasn't as good as his PA at VEGA the day before my exam in December, but still good. I was a bit confused by the lack of security and the (non) length of the show and I missed all the bloods-kids that will be allowed in to VEGA tonight. Champagne on lips, glass under heels, sweaty thighs and lost bling on the floor. It's what it's all about. Sometimes I wish I could photograph club floors, but at the time when the club closes I'm always hustling the wardrobe or something. My mind somewhere else.

Let the games begin

2007-07-17T12:00:00.000+02:00

txt 2007.07.16 23.31

To: Karolina
I've had panic attacks all day but it doesn't matter
because The Game starts any minute now and then everything's
gonna be alright.

What she's waiting for

2007-07-15T17:45:00.000+02:00

My first conversation of the day was on the phone, in German. I didn't even try to remember words and phrases and for the record I wasn't even awake. Not awake. My necklace on the floor. I looked at it, didn't step on it. First sunny day in ages. Sunny side up, rainy on the inside. I stayed in the flat putting every drop of energy on waiting. Waiting for. I keep the TV off. I don't really need peptalks. Peptalks are for girls. I've calmed down a bit. I rarely define calm as my default state of mind.

If you owned me I would be yours

2007-07-14T20:53:00.000+02:00

I spent the day streaming Gilmore Girls episodes in a way too big flat for my size until I reached the point where a) my hangover caught up with me b) I was bottled with witty conversations, my guts spilled on the table. My own company. My heels never breaking. I'm running now. Trying to listen to the Prince cd. Telling myself it'saight, work catching up with me. I'm not unemployed. So don't act like I fucking am. Swear and WEAR those shoes like you where freaking born with them on. Sound of hair dryer. Better leave this keyboard now. Let the red wine catch up with you. Run the city in heels. Youknowwhatitis.

made it better

2007-07-14T20:50:00.000+02:00

I function better with the sun in my eyes?

Pick-me-ups

2007-07-11T14:01:00.000+02:00

I'm going to make an exception to my "I-only-blog-about-misery-and-boredom-so-what-ya-gonna-do-sue-me"-aura and just say that 6 years in LDN is what it takes. I don't want to pick him apart, reduce him to statistics, so I'm not going to, but the deal is, and is and is and is, that the smile I got on my face in Helsingborg during Lazee's PA this Monday, was a smile that I haven't felt in a long time. I don't know when? You know, when you're proud at the same time as you feel satisfied and entertained. Thanks. Thanks thanks. I'll suck energy from that smile for a while.

Your life's sweet, MTV's Laguna Beach

2007-07-11T13:35:00.000+02:00

Lately I've been acting out that scene in "Down by Law", when the girl freaks out and starts throwing and destroying Tom Waits's things, a lot. That scene mixed up with Philippe Djian's "Betty Blue" goes "Girl Interrupted". I've said it's real pretty, but I'll say it again. To keep this movie resemblance going, I started the day by walking through the raining morning mayhem wearing no jacket but a lot of distress + tears. It looked like a movie, but definitely not a pretty one.

I'm waiting for the clock to turn 4pm because that's when Café Rasoir opens. My plan is to steal Johanna's fav place, because I'm getting mindnumbingly sick of my own fav places.

Who wants to be a Paris Hilton-designer!

2007-07-11T10:27:00.000+02:00

HAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHHHHHAHA. hah.

Living the coffee break lifestyle...

2007-07-09T15:18:00.000+02:00

Due to severe tsunamis in the emotional roller coaster also known as my life, I only feel like blogging when my temper goes from bad to worse. It's real pretty. The thing that confuses me the most is how badly I'm coping with the non working part of my life. I've always considered myself as a person that would be terrific at loitering, not working, hanging around doing n-a-t-h-i-n-k, but you know what? News flash? I suck at doing nothing at the moment. I just wander the streets, get mental outbreaks on the behalf of any living creature in my near (sorry posse, sorry family sorry café staff, sorry fellow commuters, sorrrrrry). An example: yesterday I was in the video rental place with Hannes and I refused to compromise when it came to pick a flick. I refused and settled for nothing but Bobby. Difficult is my new surname. Anyway, when he put the dvd in the player it took me about 4 minutes to fall sound asleep and sleep through the whole thing. Yeah. And then he even brought me breakkie coffee in his favourite cup this morning when he really should be perform some voodoo on my ass.

Just thought I'd let my blog know why I'm not blogging about new cds or parties. There are no new cds in my life. No parties either. Loverly lucious yeah? But I get the occasional thrills though. Like going to MY shoe repair guy to further perfectionate (yeah) my shoes. Three times a week or something. I like that. I used to be a lot better coping with lonely days in the big LDN, it's like I can't think creatively about time filling tasks when in this town. I float, sink, drown in nothingness and I so miss my old loneliness boredom soothing friendies Tate, BM, Suburb and Dover Street Market. Being pissed off (I'm way too accustomed with being pissed off, I'm so good at it I should do it for a living and win employer of the month for it) finding the café in Fopp Tottenham Court Rd ordering a cappuccino with a Chuck Palahniuk on the side, getting that massive fix of YOUAREOKGIRL, drowning that feeling.

RYANAIR I HATE YOU.

rehab

2007-07-07T17:05:00.001+02:00

The price of Ryanair tickets at the moment is as horrendous as the amount of millimetres of rain the last couple of weeks. It goes on and on and it never stops. I'm not working. Sinking. I want a big bed with clean sheets and a screen feeding me episodes of tv shows and movies I like. I want a K&CO muffin with that and bottles of Rosé Wine. If the rain doesn't stop I'm going to quit going out at all.

One for the head

2007-07-05T12:45:00.000+02:00

One of the last things my dad gave me, before he moved to Denmark into his new white villa, was a navy rain coat. It has been raining every single day since I got it.

I don't really have anything to do these days, except to wait for my tan to fade and for my deadlines to catch up with me. I have a date with Jayceon Taylor like next week (KB, Malmö, 16th of July 2007, don't be late) but other than that it's pretty much walk and talk and drink and sleep. Teen living. I don't wish to comment on it. In Sweden there are plenty window seats for observing working people. Working people. Yeah. At the moment we are different branches of the population. But it doesn't matter. I'm basically trying to not spend every penny I've got, on clothes that will make me fade away even more, but that kind of outfits is the only thing I want. The.only.thing.

But, you know, rain is good. I can wear jeans + navy rain coat + wedges etc. All that ends well. Clean finger nails, soundtrack music. Non working days meaning more movie watching during the daytime. You know I like it. You know I dream strange things every night. Every night for 4 weeks. I dream about: psychological thrillers, me being inside Hank Chinaski's head and my Lindsay Lohan poses ending up in the local paper. I try to enjoy: banana prints on dresses, morning coffee,

electronic, indie, electronica, indie rock, dance?

um,

I forgot.

Holiday Daily Diaries

2007-07-02T13:21:00.000+02:00

My blog abstinence during my holiday forced me to keep diary notes.

23/6
Tonight I had breakfast 4 times. i-D was categorised as "Erotic" at Kastrup Airport. (I would probably accept that as a compliment if I was Jeremy Scott)

On the bus and on the boat I fall asleep with M1 in my ears.

24/6
Wake up. Dreamed dreams where my dreams mixed with Gilmore Girls and I meet Logan in class and he mixes with my real life Logan. In my dream I meet The Game. I wake up whispering "Jayceon question mark" into my pillow and reach for my breakfast (Green Tea Jasmin gum) and prepare the ice coffee in my head.

I don't know which problems I like the best: the real ones or the ones I invent because being with you is just so good.

A Greek cover of a Celine Dion track that used to make me sing a long (in the back of the car, driving through Swedish fields, I was a kid) to lyrics I never understood, comes on and I trace out the word "agapas" from the Greek version and it bothers me that I still remember what it means.

25/6
On the balcony listening to Telepopmusik – Genetic World. I don't know how many times that record made me feel like that: calm like that. (Leaning back on the Danish train, wearing too much, too thick of a layer, of greasy pink lipgloss and then recognising that exact feeling, later, when walking in to his work to Dance Me). My brother practices his origami and I'm sipping my icy sweet frappe thinking: all in all I'm a pretty easy girl to please.

I play a Tigarah track for my brother and I interpret him trying to translate the lyrics, as him liking it.

Saw a woman that looked exactly like Anna Levine, in "Fast Food Fast Woman". Holding her cigarette in that way, smiling with her head held high, observing her boys in that way. The amount of split ends and greasy roots and tired-of-the-sun skin just add up to me wanting to be like her even more.

26/6
EBTG –Before Today streaming out of a cleaning lady’s dusty portable radio. Greece has a heat record and I'm listening in the shade.

I accidentally get stuck in a Nouvelle Vague record and I wish that I too was going to Pairs tomorrow.

The only vegetarian dish on the menu is, according to the waiter, "Octopus", so I have pancakes and ice cream for dinner.

Mom's wearing Rouge Noir and I'm Gold Shimmer. We share the beer before I climb down the stairs and go to sleep through the heat.

27/7
Wig Wig vs. Wamp Wamp

I use my hairpins as bookmarks and I cannot fall asleep in the sunshine.

Find this air conditioned pub that keep British men in white thights homesickly indulging in Paulaner and Warsteiner to the soundtrack of non cover versions of sad sobsongs they forgot ever was there, or never noticed was there, because they were deep underground, where radio couldn’t touch.

Riding in cars with boys. Jayceon Taylor. Calvin. David Darnell Brown. Clifford Joseph Harris. Stavye Jerome Thomas. Hakeem Seriki.

I like when shuffle convince me. This is what the soundtrack would be like if my movie started with me riding the car down this road.
(Chemical Brothers – Surface to air)
I like it and I close my eyes and I imagine the movie cover. I sweep, no, I'm swept because I don't have a driver’s license, on an ocean drive neighbouring the unsettling sea, with my biking getting dry by the wind sweep of the jeep.

No content stories. No depth, just letting time slide, while tanning. Timesliding. Slipping? Timetanning: Taking my time.

28/7
More often than not it comes down to the coffee breaks and this 47 degrees place makes me see the gold glitter from my favourite time spilling events in countries where drinking the perfect temperatured latte makes more sense. I manage to trace out the feeling of just how much I like it through the maze of my everyday habits.

A woman with the prettiest Harley Davidson tattoo walks past me and talks excitingly to the café owner. She has a firm water melon shaped pot belly. I never know the café owner. I just sip silently. Mind my own caffeine kicks.

28/6
Eight fleshy white bodies

29/6
The clean outlines of the down weights beats signed Timbaland mixes with the sound of the waves from a beach bar nearby. I can't even hear the song, just the shape of the beats.

"Ummmm.. Can I have a frappe, with ice cream and some milk, no sugar and… umm.. a pink straw, please"

Friend, friennemies & Family

2007-07-02T10:12:00.000+02:00

i'm black

Not fighting for my right to party. Not tonight.

2007-06-22T16:16:00.000+02:00

It's a national holiday in Sweden today. National holidays are equivalent to excessive drinking in rainy locations. Which, I mean honestly, sounds like something I would be into. But since practically all members of my posse are at least a train ride away, and I'm leaving for my holiday in Greece around midnight, this whole pressurisized (yeaaahhh) night feels a bit.. drenched in rain. I don't know. I just want to eat pizza and wear something that makes me look better.

But. It's not allowed to do that, according to Swedish law. I have to go out. In the rain. And drink. Even though I can't because Systembolaget is closed and I don't have the number for any dealers.

i almost learned something

2007-06-21T11:49:00.000+02:00

x = I pass my exam
a = I buy Chuck Palahniuk - Rant
b = I buy ice cream

X was the case so therefore a and b.

I'll tell you more later

2007-06-19T13:38:00.000+02:00

If the case is that x happens then a and b will also happen.
If x, then a and b. But in the case not x then not a and not b.

x --> a + b
not x --> not a + not b

Stop me if you think that you've heard this before...

2007-06-16T19:45:00.000+02:00

I've been in a quite journal-y mood lately. Oh, yeah, all my life really.

I've been digging my hard drive and various online communities to find traces from my diary life. The theme is June. A lot of it is translated from Swedish.

This is proof that I haven't always been sitting in a really clean sofa Saturday night reloading the same song over and over having dinner with myself.

I feel old.

JUNE 16, 2006
slipping the bars.

"karolina comes back to london tomorrow. I'm gonna force someone, maybe her, to socialise with me, I write too much diary otherwise.

I eat vegetables only for dinner because yesterday I received the Japanese fashion mag where I am, not voluntarily, posing in really tall Marcs and Eley Kishimoto dress with lilac prints on it, and I seriously - honestly - thought I would look really tall and skinny next to all the short Japanese girls but it turns out I look like every other dwarf Scandinavian. I want to call and complain. How hard can it be. It's called retouch. Retouch. Height 130%."

JUNE 19, 2005
a new beginning.

"I've graduated and got an ipod and on Wednesday I'm moving to London. I love summer

I'm listening to earthling, vincent gallo, zero 7, groove armada, everything but the girl or faithless."

JUNE 20, 2004
HULTS EN FRED.

"A Hultsfred stay later:

I just came back from a car trip that started 4 o clock last night. I had the time to be both drunk and hungover during the trip. Hultsfred is what it is, I am what I am, both in FJÄLLRÄVEN and without. yesterday it rained like hell. on thursday I was at the best the roots gig ever. on saturday night I was sleeping on the grass in front of pampas with randy doing their thing. felicia's wallet got stolen as usual and we met hjulis again. the odds. I helped Joel in the paramedics tent when he faked injuries (I faked judo skills). Sam also had to go to the paramedics tent because he got a coin stuck in his nose. max got palpialation. It took 6½ hours fromm Skåne to Hultsfred. Me and Felicia were bad drinkers except on thursday when we split a bag in box of red for breakfast and had to lie in the grass and giggle through an entire phoenix concert. Felicia burned beards - as usual. Kviga won a cell phone. Anna snogged. felicia and Ida quoted. Forgot all concerts on sunday but it didn't really matter since all the good ones were on thursday. yesterday I "borrowed" sam's car keys and had a party in the audi and we got drunk on like half of a gay song. and the calcutta came on and we watched morrisey in the mud. and at 4am we almost didn't make it home since the gay songs had used up almost all the battery.

bands I didn't miss:

alicia keys,
phoenix (kind of...),
the roots,
dizzee rascal,
snook,
3 doors down,
air,
svenska akademien,
mary j. blige,
peaches,
randy,
promoe
& morrissey."

JUNE 15, 2003
HULTSFREDOCHFRID.

"our tent got mashed to the ground so me and felch had to switch camp to some of my old class mates that were medium happy when we came crashing in thursday night with our arms filled with sleeping bags and intended to steal all of their tent space but that's why they love us / last night there was a samba train until sunrise with tent sticks and other good stuff and that was medium good and I thought it was bögarna again but apparently it was just 500 others nice nice nice / RM got kicked out

when I went to bed last night there was a soldier in my sleeping bag that joel had found and felt sorry for because he didn't have a voice, at least almost no voice / I pulled him out and screamed a bit and then he had to sleep with his upper body inside the tent with the legs outside and when we woke up we named him Gustav and he couldn't complain because he didn't have a voice

before we slept felicia's frustration made her burn joel's beard inside the tent and I laughed myself to a 6pack and after that me and jolers and someone else woke up at 5.30 to buy falafel.
sun!
half past five!!
steel!!"

JUNE 9, 2002
SINCLAIR POWER.

"yesterday I wasn't in the mood for partying so me and empa walked to a duck pond that I had completely forgotten about and then we were balancing on the rocks on the beach from pålsjö to the city. after that we went to my place and watched football and a bit of movie awards. ewan and nicole won..."

JUNE 20, 2001
my so called life.

"aaaah. yesterday I was at this frigging rabbit club and after that i ate buns with johanna. after that I stayed in dureing the night because my mood swings were mental. I watched: sex and the city and Jay leno and then I went to bed. Today i'm going to denmark. And tomorrow as well."

The difference between now and when I was 16 is that now I have the chaser for breakfast

2007-06-16T14:27:00.001+02:00

Go straight to my head

2007-06-16T13:49:00.000+02:00

It's raining and the sky is matt grey. I like when the rain pours down from every side.
It's the perfect weather for headaches.

Last night I guest starred in a gang of friends. They couldn't get in to any clubs because I was too young. At 5am I started trying on wrist watches, standing in the window, before falling asleep using a big boy's cardi as a duvet. Woke up with my hair in a mess. Rather that than something else.

I'm about to challenge the rain. I like rainy Saturdays. I'm going to K&Co and prepare for my exam for like 30 mins and then I'm going to go to a video store and fill my handbag with movies.

You've got this strange effect on me

2007-06-15T22:29:00.000+02:00

ok, I left the flat and this is what it looked like on the way to drinking elsewhere:

i don't have the time to panic

Nothing about me

2007-06-15T21:37:00.000+02:00

I have a tendency to always love the cheesiest, reflective slowdowns, the girliest ballads-of-grime on every record lately. (as long as there is no akon or chipmunk or ne-yo lyrics. Ehhm. As long as it's still UK. And someone I could imagine myself trapped in an elevator with. EHM? I'm sick of labelling. It's the g.r.i.m.e. Don't hate the player). At the moment, since I am still stuck, almost out, not yet, shoe wearing, red wine drinking: I'm reloading track 12, Wiley's Nothing about me, and when he introduces it like a London lesson or whatever I get some tears in my eyes and, really, it is a quite emotional pic.

Young Love

2007-06-15T21:24:00.002+02:00

Ok,ok,2.0

I'm seriously in love with Danish P3 Club. I've always had a yearning for someone to make me listen to like techno and for me to get it. It never happened. What happened was dates suggesting and pushing and me rejecting and repelling. NOthanks. NOway. NOthanks. Thanks, but no thanks. But now. 2007. It's really quite funny. I'm wearing wedges. Ready to leave the flat. For drinking elsewhere. But really, I can't. I will, of course, but give me some more. Danish P3, you make me love you like a hurting artist loves red wine.

"Age reflect our age perhaps more than any other body part" page 167 UK Vogue 06/07

2007-06-15T20:12:00.000+02:00

OK, OK,
Vogue's latest issue of Ageless style really makes me realise how old my hands really look. Next time the nice ol' lady ID:s me when buying rosé wine I'll just show here my hands. "No ID needed, mrs, look at these babies. Old as ancient history"

Yeah it was that boy, he took the pies man

2007-06-15T16:56:00.000+02:00

My afternoon is all about spending quality time with Playtime is over and making pies. I listen to Wiley, therefore I'm making pies. Rasberry and cinnamon apple. Would be easier just to mix the jelly beans I guess. But Selfridges is too far away, my feet are too tired. Richard isn't even that into pies he says. No more playing, no more pies. So I won't post it to him.

Quit quit quit then I'm out

2007-06-11T23:06:00.001+02:00

The contradictions you build your life on.

Build. Kill. Whatever.

I don't like my little girl's room. It has had the same colour (nervous lilac) ever since I painted it when I was like 13, when me and my two best girlfriends drew big hate signs to every girl that we didn't like. Big lilac hate wordings on the crispy white walls. And then we covered the entire spaces with lilac paint. So no one would know except us.

And now all I want for the room is the walls to be white.

Ever since I moved away and left it when I was 15, the room has been filling up with stuff. Stuff. It's so messy with jewellery and books and clothes that I can hardly breathe. I left for art school, abandoned the room half empty with unloved things. Came back, left a stash of stuff that I couldn't love either and when I left London for Copenhagen, another bash of goods were crowded inside the lilac madness. And now I even left Denmark so absolutely everything (minus the luggage in CPH and LDN that I can't see myself collecting any day soon) is in there. Crowding. Making it hard to breathe. So I only stop by briefly. During the daytime. To change clothes. Putting another CD in the collection. Etc. Etc. Over and over again.

And all I want is white walls and somewhere else to put my piling things. Because I really do like my things. But they feel too unloved crowding with all of my rejected and forgotten youth things.

And I don't really know how I'm supposed to be able to sleep here tonight. Or work. I'm on top of the bed. Trying to aviod the writer's block the claustrophobia gives me. Tryin'2work. Tryin' not to act like a whining 13 year old. But it's hard. Because I really really feel like one.

She liked my necklace so she started relaxin' / Now that's what the fuck I call a chain reaction!

2007-06-11T21:25:00.000+02:00

the world keeps spinning with or without me

2007-06-11T15:17:00.000+02:00

|-(

I've started to get that feeling of restlessness I complained about daily, earlier this year. My legs itch and my head hurts. After one day of sunbathing I'm completely sick of it. I start some silly project, like a cotton dress or a css craze on my computer, but have no patience and end up binning/crashing/neglecting it. Kicking it to one side of the room. Don't talk to me about unfinished projects. Just don't do it.

And I go to my magazine place every day and ask for something. I'm on my 4th day of asking for UK Vogue. I just can't get my mind to why it takes so long for Sweden to get it. It's mad frustrating. i-D is out on the ninth but doesn't hit stores in Suecia before like the 20th. Man. Frustrating. I tell you.

And then I have so much spare time I start buying stuff. I shouldn't be buying stuff. I should be listening to my pile of work R&B cds that stare at me from inside my handbag. I should be working. Earning money. Not buying stuff.

So I stomp my feet. Bite my lip. Shut my eyes real hard. Go buy stuff. Get my mom to loan me some white wine to take the edge off. Bite my lip again. And wake up way too early every morning.

Four eyed monsters

2007-06-11T10:28:00.000+02:00

This morning and I'm watching an art film my dad sent me, with all the windows open drinking cranberry juice. I've only watched like 7 minutes of it so far and I got to hurry away (put on a white vintage dress that is so fragile that I get about three new holes every day, slip my barefoot feet inside black shoes, and walk down the hill, meet my mom, go to the gym, buy VOGUE, order coffee at K&CO, sit somewhere sunny/it's really sunny/it's been sunny for like 4 days/and yesterday I went to the beach).

With the risk of sounding like a judge from Idol...

2007-06-09T15:37:00.000+02:00

Is it just me, or does Rihanna's performance at MTV Movie Awards make you want to cry? Don't do live PAs honey. Please don't. Some playback would do you so much good.

Young & Restless

2007-06-07T20:24:00.000+02:00

<3

hey, if you have a hard time contacting me on my phone it's because I put him to sleep under a magazine because he is so pretty when he sleeps. If I'm not responding to stone throwing on the window it's because I'm barefoot drinking rosé wine on the balcony on the other side reading the same style features over and over. It's called summer. It's called waiting patiently for my date. Barefoot. My hair does not taste of salt water. But soon. Right now everything tastes of that coral pink coloured wine that I tend not to order in bars, because it matches my dress oh way too well, but that I secretly love, and prefer to indulge solo. Solo on the balcony. I'm really getting into the thought of not spending this summer on a shop floor without air conditioning. Sorry, no didn't mean to rub it in. But it's better than I ever thought it would be.

Still sleeping when she rolls off me

2007-06-05T15:17:00.000+02:00

I'm off to a house without wireless and cable because I want to drink diet coke, coffee, red wine, read Bukowski and Palahniuk and listen to Telepopmusik under the duvet, eat bugles and three course dinners, draw and write in my new notebooks, and I don't want to do it with my laptop staring at me in the background. But Spencer's always on. I'm not that much of a wood-freak, so I'll be texting people I care about from under the duvet.

Did I mention I'm only going to Denmark and only for one night?

needy girl

2007-06-05T12:08:00.000+02:00

Wanna be by yourself and no-one else, alright.
And you wanna go out, wanna scream and shout tonight.
You want some space, like get out of my face, alright.
and you want me back, put your life on track tonight.
Chromeo - Needy Girl

Old teenage hopes are alive at your door / Left you with nothing but they want some more

2007-06-04T17:09:00.000+02:00

The ipod oracle tells me: PJ Harvey - The slow drug. Not the first time I'm at the 2nd floor at the library drinking diet coke feeling somewhat lost. I like the two last songs on Promoe's new album "Standard Bearer". They make sense. Like playing under water. So that's pretty much what I'm up to today. I had coffee earlier, outside, with old friends, at the Starbucks-wannabe of this small town. People are getting new flats, new jobs, new educations, etcetera. I'm doing the Wallflower thing. As long as I can.

UPDATE!
ok, turns out the music really WAS under water! My itunes went all slow and vocalless and i suddenly loved every track in there. So I take back what I said about the cd.

Playtime is over y'all

2007-06-04T15:29:00.000+02:00

An example of a good Monday:

Dizzee Rascal - Maths & English

vs.

Wiley - Playtime is over

Cop-cop-cop then we're out.